Monday, March 24, 2008

6-8 Weeks???????

I have been trying so hard to be a good sport about all this, but I've run the gamut of emotions from sadness to frustration to just plain anger, and depression. Then, hopeful again and sick to my stomach of longing and worry. What happened to the 6-8 weeks between trips? We are now on week 14 and we don't even have a court date. I'm feeling very very bitter and discouraged. Maybe tomorrow, I will feel better but for now, there is nothing but sadness and anger. All the weeks of trying to put on my Tammy Faye face has caught up to me and it is just wrenching my gut like no other.

Our agency can provide no real answers as to the cause, only that everyone is trying their best. I don't understand how this is possible. It seems so many others are coming home with their sweet babies and there are a handful of us who wait in the wings with no word of hope.

In the meantime, I get periodic updates and photos from other families. This boy's face smiling, the face I held and fallen in love with in what seems like an eternity ago. I know I'm not the most patient person to begin with, but now we are talking about my son. How much restraint does anyone truly expect from me? Try ripping a newborn from his mother's arms and tell her she won't know when she will see him again. I was ready to stay in Kyrgyzstan and wait after trip 1. So many practical things got in the way. Maybe I should have just done it. It wouldn't be a perfect situation but at least I would see him growing, learning to sit, perhaps starting to eat solids, comfort him when he was sick or in the least at least just hold him for a couple of hours each day and reassure him mommy is here to stay.

Cut us a break already!!! There are no more lessons to be learned here. This is now just a cruel joke.


Hilary Marquis said...


My heart is breaking for you. I'm so very sorry this is taking so long. Please know that you and your son are in our prayers.

Mom to 2 Angels said...

So sorry that you have had to wait this long, it doesn't make sense.

Margaret and Tom said...

Ivy, I am so sorry, I can't imagaine how your heart is aching, I am also keeping you, your husband and D in my prayers.

Jackie said...

Ivy, I don't know what to say...I am so sorry. I just don't understand this delay. Please stay strong and know many are thinking of you.

Johnda said...

If you read my will see are have the same feelings...I didn't want to talk about the adoption because i would get depressed, angry...every emotion i can think of...I pray for you and I know God is listening to your cries..just like he listens to mine! I hope you get some news this week! And pray we might travel together and bring those sweet babies home!!! Home forever!
If you ever want to chat...give me an email...not everyone understand the emotions so i would love to chat sometime!!!


Gen 's Family Story said...

Oh Ivy,
I just am finally getting to read your blog. I am so, so sorry for you!! I don't understand this whole thing at all either, even more so that I am finding out more things here from other families also here. This is ridiculous and seems like torture.
Keep strong, we will keep praying for you. I love your blankets by the way, they are beautiful and you are very talented!!

Unknown said...

I've been so sad to see that you are still waiting and have no comfort from the people in control. It doesn't make sense and I hope that you will have your little man home soon.

April + Eric said...

Hey maybe you should just head on over there....I'm sure you've entertained it? I'm thinking good thoughts for you.
April H.

Mala said...

Ivy, I know no words will make things better, except for "go get your baby". It's very frustrating. I will pray that your good news is on it's way.