Friday, February 8, 2008

4 Years and Counting

We've been waiting over 4 years for D. I know it sounds crazy but we have. Through all the fertility treatments and superstitious advise followed in our attempts at conception, we are now here at the home stretch. And I'm trying so hard to stay positive while my baby is half a world away oblivious to the life he could have with us.

He feels so distant right now. I am terrified that we will not get him home. I am terrified that all the rumors are going to be true about more delays imminent at the Kyrgyzstan courts. I am terrified that the CIS will end up wanting more documents that will be impossible to obtain.

The little clothes we got in the meantime no longer fit. The diapers we were so sure were going to be big enough have become too small. His little snowsuit hanging in the closet that was bought for his trip home hangs there useless.

I want to fall asleep for a month an wake up ready to get on a plane to my precious son. Then, all will be right again.


Lisa Brotherton said...

I wish any of us could ease your pain. My heart is breaking for you. But I believe D will come home.
I know you must ache for him. But having him in your arms SOON will mend all of the pain.
I am sure you've had too many experiences of disappointment and grief over the past 4 years. It has all been leading you to D. You are the mother meant for him.
I want you to know I think of you everyday and am wishing and hoping for you as Suzanne and I and many others are watching our future through you.
So, again, I BELIEVE that D will be home, with you, where he belongs!
Sending you warm hugs,

Hilary Marquis said...

I know that the separation is agonizing and your heart is aching. Know that you and D are in our prayers as well as all those who are waiting. God is faithful, and His timing is perfect...even if we hate waiting! D is being well cared for, he knows no different right now, and VERY SOON he will be back in your arms where he belongs.

Mala said...

Hang in there! I know it's tough and the days drag by, but he WILL be coming home soon. And you'll be amazed how quickly this painful wait will disappear from your memory and be replaced by the new adventures of your child.

Gen 's Family Story said...

D was destined to be yours. Although things are out of your control for now, keep on believing he will home soon in your arms!! Do not lose hope, grieve in the losses of darling little clothes and things you'll be missing but focus on the good things when you'll have him home! Never believe the rumors you hear because it will only cause you stress and you seem not to be a person who lives in fear! Hope, go day by day and sooner than later you will have your family.

Suzanne said...

Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry. This delay sucks. It just sucks. I wish I could make a wrinkle in time for you.

Let me know if you need a distraction while you're waiting waiting waiting. We can go catch a movie or something.