In the last couple of months, Dylan is becoming less and less of a cuddlebug. I suppose, it is part of the quest for independence as he gets into his toddlerhood. Usually, he doesn't want to be rocked to sleep. He just wants to hold his froggie, suck his thumb, put his butt up in the air and go to sleep. Imagine my silent delight the other night when he decided to let me sit in the rocker with him and just hold him. After a few minutes, I realized he had fallen asleep. I almost fell off my rocker (hee hee). I loved every moment of it to be quite honest. It just felt so right to have my big boy just completely relaxed in my arms. I loved hearing his regular breaths of sleep. I love how he completely trusts me.
When we least expect it, he lets us in. Another example is today. We went to some dear friends' wedding. It was great to be there to witness their marriage. It was great to reconnect with old friends. However, I must admit that having a toddler with you there makes the experience challenging. The noise level, the amount of people, the unfamiliar surroundings, coupled with not enough time napping today, made Dylan kind of cranky. Now, Dylan's crankiness was only noticeable by Bill and me. He was still capturing the hearts of those he met and with whom he flirted. But we know our boy, we know when he is uncomfortable. The wedding was at 3 pm. By 7:30, at the reception, we had to graciously call it a night. We could see that it was about to turn into mayhem if we didn't give Dylan the rest he deserved. On the way to the car, I just held him horizontally for a while and he didn't complain, where normally, backarching and squirming are involved. After he got too heavy for my arms, I shifted him so that I just held him vertically. Again, no complaints. Just clung on to mommy calmly and I got to give him a million kisses on the way to the car. What a treat for mommy.
These are the moments when he must be so damned tired, he can't muster a squirm or a babble. He just lets things be and enjoys the cuddles. I guess that at the end of the day, when he has spent most of the day testing his independence, he lets his guard down and lets himself be comfortable being a cuddlebug again. These are the moments that erase my doubts about bonding and attachment. These are the moments when my insecurities about my role as his mother completely melt away and are taken over by an overwhelming feeling of joy.