According to Dictionary.com, the word "serendipity" is defined as an aptitude for making desirable discoveries by accident. We are indebted to the English author Horace Walpole for the word serendipity, which he coined in one of the 3,000 or more letters on which his literary reputation primarily rests. In a letter of January 28, 1754, Walpole says that "this discovery, indeed, is almost of that kind which I call Serendipity, a very expressive word." Walpole formed the word on an old name for Sri Lanka, Serendip. He explained that this name was part of the title of "a silly fairy tale, called The Three Princes of Serendip: as their highnesses traveled, they were always making discoveries, by accidents and sagacity, of things which they were not in quest of...."
It is still pretty hard to accept the news about each delay when they are communicated to us. But to put things in perspective, I guess we are very fortunate that D is doing well, that the CIS now has everything they need from us, and that Saule is going to court next Friday.
Sure, I was hoping court was a month ago but things happen for a reason, right? I am not a particularly religious person in the Judeo Christian sense, but I do believe in the universal law of serendipity and karma and I have to believe that everything will work out for the best. We are good people, with good intentions. We try our best to be considerate and fair and kind to others. I think all of that energy goes somewhere that goes full circle. I may not see how or what will happen in the future, but I do believe it will work out.
In thinking back on our journey to D, he wasn't even in our realm of consciousness a year ago. We were still thick in the midst of our attempts at conception. We have been pretty tunnel-visioned about the whole idea of starting a biological family for so long. We hadn't even seriously considered adoption until the first IVF cycle failed. And I don't know how the idea of adoption was able to creep into the picture but it did. We really only tried a second IVF cycle to see if results would be better. At some point, we kicked around the idea that we would try and do an adoption even if we did get pregnant. All of that seemed so long ago but it actually isn't. All of the heartache we endured was just leading us closer to D. And now, none of that other stuff matters, only that we have discovered how much we want D in our lives.
Now, as zen as that sounds, I never said I wasn't going to have freak outs in between. I am, after all, a bit of a control freak and I don't always trust things I cannot see. It is getting a little easier to accept that certain things are out of my control but it is a work in progress. After all, as much as I want to say all of this have been deliberate, serendipity has been taking care of us pretty well.
I just have to remember to keep things in perspective. A year from now, none of the pain of this waiting will be important because we will have the joy of having D with us. And I am certain there will have been other serendipitous moments we can think back upon and enjoy.
We've been waiting over 4 years for D. I know it sounds crazy but we have. Through all the fertility treatments and superstitious advise followed in our attempts at conception, we are now here at the home stretch. And I'm trying so hard to stay positive while my baby is half a world away oblivious to the life he could have with us.
He feels so distant right now. I am terrified that we will not get him home. I am terrified that all the rumors are going to be true about more delays imminent at the Kyrgyzstan courts. I am terrified that the CIS will end up wanting more documents that will be impossible to obtain.
The little clothes we got in the meantime no longer fit. The diapers we were so sure were going to be big enough have become too small. His little snowsuit hanging in the closet that was bought for his trip home hangs there useless.
I want to fall asleep for a month an wake up ready to get on a plane to my precious son. Then, all will be right again.
I could go on bitching about the treatment we received at the CIS office yesterday but thought that it would be better to report that our boy is now 15 pounds. He grew 4 pounds in the last 5 weeks. According to our IA doctor's office "It's not a leap to say he has great growth. This weight measurement is 50th percentile for US children, which is lovely for a child in an orphanage!" When we met him, he was only in the 25th percentile. I'm so proud of D and miss him so much. I was in tears when I read this from the wonderful internet friend who is in Bishkek to meet her baby girl. The hole in my heart tore just a little bigger but at the same time, I was so happy to hear how well he is doing.
I really do want to also take the time to articulate and memorialize my feelings of gratefulness for so many things. I am grateful that he is doing well despite being in an orphanage. I'm so grateful for the caregivers who continue to keep him safe and healthy in our absense. I am grateful for the awesome people in my family who at moment's notice took care of paperwork tht we needed for our CIS application. And lastly, I am so grateful for the Yahoo group through which I have met so many wonderful people who have been so supportive with words of encouragement and warmth, and willingness to take some time from their visit with their babies to take photos, get an update and play with D.