I have been trying so hard to be a good sport about all this, but I've run the gamut of emotions from sadness to frustration to just plain anger, and depression. Then, hopeful again and sick to my stomach of longing and worry. What happened to the 6-8 weeks between trips? We are now on week 14 and we don't even have a court date. I'm feeling very very bitter and discouraged. Maybe tomorrow, I will feel better but for now, there is nothing but sadness and anger. All the weeks of trying to put on my Tammy Faye face has caught up to me and it is just wrenching my gut like no other.
Our agency can provide no real answers as to the cause, only that everyone is trying their best. I don't understand how this is possible. It seems so many others are coming home with their sweet babies and there are a handful of us who wait in the wings with no word of hope.
In the meantime, I get periodic updates and photos from other families. This boy's face smiling, the face I held and fallen in love with in what seems like an eternity ago. I know I'm not the most patient person to begin with, but now we are talking about my son. How much restraint does anyone truly expect from me? Try ripping a newborn from his mother's arms and tell her she won't know when she will see him again. I was ready to stay in Kyrgyzstan and wait after trip 1. So many practical things got in the way. Maybe I should have just done it. It wouldn't be a perfect situation but at least I would see him growing, learning to sit, perhaps starting to eat solids, comfort him when he was sick or in the least at least just hold him for a couple of hours each day and reassure him mommy is here to stay.
Cut us a break already!!! There are no more lessons to be learned here. This is now just a cruel joke.