The Rocker that Rocks!

How is this for a mommy rocker? Right on!! Groovy! Cool! Hot! In other words, it rocks!

What a wonderful gift from Titsky, Uncle Bob, Lily and Vicky!

Serendipity and a Little Perspective

According to Dictionary.com, the word "serendipity" is defined as an aptitude for making desirable discoveries by accident. We are indebted to the English author Horace Walpole for the word serendipity, which he coined in one of the 3,000 or more letters on which his literary reputation primarily rests. In a letter of January 28, 1754, Walpole says that "this discovery, indeed, is almost of that kind which I call Serendipity, a very expressive word." Walpole formed the word on an old name for Sri Lanka, Serendip. He explained that this name was part of the title of "a silly fairy tale, called The Three Princes of Serendip: as their highnesses traveled, they were always making discoveries, by accidents and sagacity, of things which they were not in quest of...."

It is still pretty hard to accept the news about each delay when they are communicated to us. But to put things in perspective, I guess we are very fortunate that D is doing well, that the CIS now has everything they need from us, and that Saule is going to court next Friday.

Sure, I was hoping court was a month ago but things happen for a reason, right? I am not a particularly religious person in the Judeo Christian sense, but I do believe in the universal law of serendipity and karma and I have to believe that everything will work out for the best. We are good people, with good intentions. We try our best to be considerate and fair and kind to others. I think all of that energy goes somewhere that goes full circle. I may not see how or what will happen in the future, but I do believe it will work out.

In thinking back on our journey to D, he wasn't even in our realm of consciousness a year ago. We were still thick in the midst of our attempts at conception. We have been pretty tunnel-visioned about the whole idea of starting a biological family for so long. We hadn't even seriously considered adoption until the first IVF cycle failed. And I don't know how the idea of adoption was able to creep into the picture but it did. We really only tried a second IVF cycle to see if results would be better. At some point, we kicked around the idea that we would try and do an adoption even if we did get pregnant. All of that seemed so long ago but it actually isn't. All of the heartache we endured was just leading us closer to D. And now, none of that other stuff matters, only that we have discovered how much we want D in our lives.

Now, as zen as that sounds, I never said I wasn't going to have freak outs in between. I am, after all, a bit of a control freak and I don't always trust things I cannot see. It is getting a little easier to accept that certain things are out of my control but it is a work in progress. After all, as much as I want to say all of this have been deliberate, serendipity has been taking care of us pretty well.

I just have to remember to keep things in perspective. A year from now, none of the pain of this waiting will be important because we will have the joy of having D with us. And I am certain there will have been other serendipitous moments we can think back upon and enjoy.

4 Years and Counting

We've been waiting over 4 years for D. I know it sounds crazy but we have. Through all the fertility treatments and superstitious advise followed in our attempts at conception, we are now here at the home stretch. And I'm trying so hard to stay positive while my baby is half a world away oblivious to the life he could have with us.

He feels so distant right now. I am terrified that we will not get him home. I am terrified that all the rumors are going to be true about more delays imminent at the Kyrgyzstan courts. I am terrified that the CIS will end up wanting more documents that will be impossible to obtain.

The little clothes we got in the meantime no longer fit. The diapers we were so sure were going to be big enough have become too small. His little snowsuit hanging in the closet that was bought for his trip home hangs there useless.

I want to fall asleep for a month an wake up ready to get on a plane to my precious son. Then, all will be right again.

Gratitude Where It is Due

I could go on bitching about the treatment we received at the CIS office yesterday but thought that it would be better to report that our boy is now 15 pounds. He grew 4 pounds in the last 5 weeks. According to our IA doctor's office "It's not a leap to say he has great growth. This weight measurement is 50th percentile for US children, which is lovely for a child in an orphanage!" When we met him, he was only in the 25th percentile. I'm so proud of D and miss him so much. I was in tears when I read this from the wonderful internet friend who is in Bishkek to meet her baby girl. The hole in my heart tore just a little bigger but at the same time, I was so happy to hear how well he is doing.

I really do want to also take the time to articulate and memorialize my feelings of gratefulness for so many things. I am grateful that he is doing well despite being in an orphanage. I'm so grateful for the caregivers who continue to keep him safe and healthy in our absense. I am grateful for the awesome people in my family who at moment's notice took care of paperwork tht we needed for our CIS application. And lastly, I am so grateful for the Yahoo group through which I have met so many wonderful people who have been so supportive with words of encouragement and warmth, and willingness to take some time from their visit with their babies to take photos, get an update and play with D.

Showers of Baby Showers

Oh my goodness, baby showers are way more fun than I thought they would be. We have had 3 so far. I got a shared baby shower at work with my coworker who is pregnant. Then my family threw one for us in L.A. over Martin Luther King weekend. Bill's coworkers, since they are located in southern California, decided he must also have a virtual baby shower.

Everyone has been super generous. We got clothes, towels, diapers, stylish diaper bag, toys, bath stuff, crib, glider, pack and play, stroller, activity center, rocking horse, medicine, wipes, chair, etc, etc. As boxes have continued to roll in, Bill now knows the UPS and Fedex guys. You name it, we probably got it, and we haven't spent more than $20 ourselves.

We also have one more baby shower that MK is throwing for us. She insists we keep putting things on the registry. I could get used to this. Now we just need the baby to come home and enjoy what everyone has so generously lavished on him.

I also can't help but want to share photos on this blog. And even though I am still encouraged not to publish openly, I feel like I need to share him with the world. In an earlier post, before we met D, I was worried about hands and feet. Then we got photos with his hands in them, at which point, I only had feet to obsess on. Well, I'm proud to present my son's perfect little feet!

















Oh what the hell, here he is in all his glory, getting a baby massage.

In Dire Need of an Attitude Adjustment

I really need to find a way to brighten my outlook. This past month since coming home from trip 1 has been so hard. We miss of little munchkin so terribly and I can't figure out what to do with myself. I couldn't bring myself to update this blog and I could barely participate or keep up with the Yahoo group. I just didn't want to subject anyone else to my gloom.

We have had and continue to have challenges with CIS and the Embassy of Kygyzstan and all this has caused us major anxieties. We still don't have our I-171H and despite going to our homestudy social worker and to our congressman's office, nothing has helped. I could no longer just sit and wait. I finally decided that we need to take our shot at going to the CIS office in person. My sister Joanne found how we could make an appointment. So we made one for this past Monday.

Bill and I went through every possible argument or counter argument the CIS may have for us as to why we should shut up and patiently wait for the paperwork to get done. I gave myself the butterflies in anticipation. I was ready for the worst but really hoped it would not be so bad. In my view, it was better to get bad news than to stay where we were at that moment, which is NO NEWS.

We take BART over to the city on Monday and when we got there, there wasn't a line around the block or anything even close. We got checked in right away and was given a number. While sitting there, I noticed banners saying "Celebrating Customer Service Week". Wow, yeah, we're off to a good start.

Finally our number was called and when we got to the counter (I was expecting private offices - not sure why my mind never envisioned counters), the CIS officer told us he wasn't that familiar with Orphan Petitions so we had to wait for the lady who handles these. Despite my initial dread that we would end up being called by him, he turned out to be very nice. Great, celebrating customer service week is working so far.

We sit back down and patiently wait for the lady who was monopolizing our CIS officer's time to finish her business. It took everything I had not to peel her away from that counter so we can have our turn. It seemed like forever but finally she walked away and was done. Our turn. Time to cash in on Customer Service Week.

I have to say that it wasn't all that bad. She was very nice. She let us know that there are more officers now being assigned to work on Orphan Petitions so things should be moving more quickly again. Then, she confirmed our names and went upstairs to check our file. She came back down shortly after to let us know that they have all the documents we sent but they needed other ones. She would not or could not tell us what the letter said but only that it was dated January 18. The funny thing is that at one point, I asked her a specific question and she said she couldn't give me that answer because I wasn't Bill. And for the sake of his privacy, she couldn't discuss it. Mind you, Bill was standing next to me this whole time. But in all fairness, it never dawned on me to offer to go wait somewhere else so she can give him the super secret answers. That's probably because I am a logical person. Whatever. That was weird.

Well, I guess there was nothing else to do but wait for the letter to arrive via snail mail. She suggested we wait another week to see if the letter comes. Then she made it sound like it wouldn't be long after that before we receive our approval. So at the end of this episode, we were left feeling hopeful again, which is 100% better than absolutely deflated. Oh, and she smiled at us reassuringly while talking to us. Maybe she was celebrating Customer Service Week with us.

Hopeful is not the same as helpless. It is now Wednesday the letter has yet to reveal itself in our mailbox. I have made another appointment for next Monday just in case that letter still doesn't arrive tomorrow, Friday or Saturday. I also plan on showing up every week until we get some answers.

Blab blab blabbing and venting about CIS

This wait is proving to be very tough for us. We say it every night before we go to bed. We want the baby to be here already, and then we get very sad that we can't hold him in our arms.

In the meantime, we are getting the house ready, putting in new floors, researching travel options, registering for more gifts, and coordinating baby shower stuff with friends and family who will be throwing them. We are also both just baby picture gazing a lot. We took about 300 over the 3-days we were there. Maybe a little obsessive but I love that we have so many to look at now that we are home waiting for trip 2.

OK and here is where I vent about the CIS. Since we have come home from trip 1, we've been bugging our social worker regarding how we can find out where our I-171 approval is. First he asked us to check with FBI to make sure they have sent in our fingerprint reports. Bill called and the report was sent on the same day we did them. Next, we get a phone call on Wednesday from our social worker telling us that CIS hasn't done much or anything at all since Dec. 12. The Orphan Petitions department is going through a transition with the old director leaving and the new one being in training over the last couple of weeks. The new director doesn't start until next week and the old one's last day was a few days ago. To make matters worse, the other staff person who actually processes the applications have been on vacation since Dec. 12. No one can say exactly when she will be back. Perhaps Thursday, perhaps Friday, or maybe next week. During all of this, they never bothered to make sure someone was filling in. As one of my friends said, there are so many unemployed people out there, you would think they could find someone to help keep things moving. No, they merely snoozed on all these families' applications, never considering how important this is to all these families. It's just insane that they feel that is acceptable planning on their part. I am so incensed at this and so afraid it will cause us to delay our dates to pickup D. Until the staff person comes back from vacation, we don't even have anyone to ask. Perhaps the next call should be to our congressman. I wonder if that will help speed things up. I guess right now, we have no choice but to wait until next week in hopes that the person on vacation comes back and can tell us where we are in the que.

So for now, we are still hoping that we will be able to travel in February, and planning for that. I hope I hope I hope.